I had the most awful few days starting late last week. It was intense dysregulation, so overwhelming and aggressive, and it was scary. Such a letdown after three peaceful weeks. Then I asked for high CBD:THC gummies, which help calm me but also dull my mind, so I am averse to taking them unless I am desperate.
So I am calmer now, but groggy, and still recovering from it all. I am still not sure if I am better, or just dampened temporarily by the gummies. But at least I can have a break from compulsively screaming and grabbing my mom and going completely nuts. I am grateful for any break.
And today is Valentine’s Day! I don’t have a romantic love in my life yet, but I am surrounded by so much other love. And all I can say about it today is this poem that I wrote this morning. I love you all, and hope you feel loved today!
In my all so difficult life
by Danny Whitty
The reality is at times so
Sharp cutting slicing
Cross-sections of my constructed dreams
And they collapse folded on themselves
Their weight crushes me underneath
And in this heightened gravity
All that keeps me
All that saves me
All that clears the debris
And lets me start again
Is your love.