More struggles but also more insight

Dear Friends,

At the risk of being a habitual downer, I am once again coming to you with my woes! I had a glorious and joyful Christmas, but then it all unraveled a bit in the days after. I was so compulsive and felt like my body and mind were on hyperdrive. I couldn’t sleep for days. I could barely sit still unless I was actively engaged in an activity, and I couldn’t stop shouting and stomping. My poor mom was so patient but I know it ran her down.

But this time was a bit different. For the first couple of days, I felt an underlying confidence that I was going to be okay. This is a huge step forward; I usually feel despair and such bleakness when dysregulation hits. It was such a shift toward equanimity in the storm.

To be transparent, that equanimity dissolved after the second day. I felt almost foolish to entertain the idea that I would be okay! And I once again fell to despair.

But my therapist wisely pointed out: My internal messaging was a big step forward, but perhaps too laden with expectation. I kept reassuring myself that I “will be okay”, but when I still wasn’t okay, I felt like I had failed my expectation. So she suggested that I try more neutral statements, like “I am so brave” or “this is unfair but accepting it can help”. And she helped me regain my perspective on how far I have come in the past couple of years.

I am feeling much better today. Who knows how long it will last, but I will enjoy it while I can. I am so appreciating your comments and suggestions even if I can’t reply to most of them! I hope you are all doing well, and that we all find more and more resilience!

Your Friend,

Danny

One thought on “More struggles but also more insight

  1. Good morning Danny. I always love your messages. I can always relate to them! I practice yoga and have for many years now. The pandemic forced me and my husband to find an online program. The one we found is fantastic and has changed my life. The physical benefits are amazing, but equally amazing are the mental benefits – the philosophy underlying the physical practice. Your message today reminds me of one of the proverbs that our instructor sometimes ends our class with – “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” Here’s to dancing in the rain in this world. Have a wonderful Friday Danny.

    Like

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