My mom and I had a huge breakthrough today in our Spelling to Communicate partnership! It has been a long journey, even though I absolutely love her and want nothing more than to be able to communicate fluently with her. Communication is a complex and mysterious phenomenon in many ways, and I don’t even fully understand why some people are easier to spell with than others. It relates to trust, confidence, and a certain chemistry that my brain somehow picks up.
I think with my sisters, I have a close and strong connection, but not the same sort of pressure to make them proud. And sibling ties are not as loaded as parent-child ties. My mom has shown me so much love and care in my life, but she is still an authority figure. As she should be. But I wonder if spelling with parents is a bit more hard because of this.
Also, she is not a native English speaker, though she is fluent. She has told me that this makes her lose confidence in her ability to follow my words. And that nervous energy throws me off, too.
She grew so disappointed in herself as we kept being stuck in our spelling. She seemed to feel like she didn’t deserve to spend time with me. Our relationship grew even stronger when she remembered she doesn’t need to be fluent with me to have meaningful experiences together. She dove into finding documentaries and books we could enjoy together, and she and I started my Japanese lessons, where she felt absolutely confident on the letterboard.
So I think this helped us cultivate our communication mojo, so that when we had a session today with Dawnmarie at Transcending Apraxia to nudge our fluency forward, we absolutely kicked butt! Dawnmarie is so amazing and guided my mom so expertly, and my mom was so able to take that guidance and run with it. The most helpful tip was for my mom to reframe her anxiety into curious excitement. It was so amazing to see the difference it made to our spelling dynamic!
I wanted to share this because I am so proud, but also because I know of other parents who are also struggling like my mom was. Remember that we still love you and that your company and interactions with us are so meaningful even without fluency. It is not a reflection of your love or our love when it is tough to communicate.
Though my older sister is my main CRP and a hero to me, I will always appreciate the absolute love and devotion my mom has shown throughout my life. I am so thrilled to be closer to communicating fluently with my most precious person!
2 thoughts on “Communicating with My Most Precious Person”
Just in case you don’t know this already, your stories about your discoveries and lessons learned and challenges and achievements – they are reflective of the same for me, and I suspect, actually, for all people. You tell these stories with such deep honesty, with such humbleness despite your daunting intellect and insight. Thank you Danny.
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Dear Danny, I appreciate both your words and your message! I am the mother of Uri, a minimally speaking autistic, who 12 months ago began receiving lessons from I-S2C online in Chile. Please never dwell on the defense of the non-speaking autistic community. Thanks for everything!!
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