Greetings from the Emerald Isle! I am so overwhelmed with emotions about this trip to my father’s homeland. It is a gorgeous country with a troubled and rich past. And it is a place of such spiritual depth. It is where my father grew up and spent his youth before setting off for opportunities and adventures abroad. I so wish I could ask him more about this time in his life!
It is also where most of our family lives. We are so isolated from family in the US, and it is a whole new feeling to be surrounded by a plethora of relatives. It is like finding a home that I hadn’t known about before. I first experienced this four years ago when we came here for our dad’s funeral. Now I get to experience it again with a somewhat healed heart. And I love it so much.
But it is also a lot to handle emotionally. I am realizing that this extended home is subject to that same ephemerality as everything else, and some of my older relatives are showing signs of slowing down. Some of the younger generation are leaving for the same reasons that my dad did several decades ago. And I am just passing through and just a bystander to all of this. And it leaves me feeling a bit adrift.
I have been a lot more dysregulated than I generally am when traveling. This is an unpleasant surprise, and I don’t know why I am struggling this trip. But it is another layer of complexity in how I feel here. And I guess it is a learning experience in how to handle dysregulation while traveling.
But I am so thrilled with this trip as a whole. It is amazing to see more of this beautiful country, and beyond amazing to make new memories with my family here. I also got to meet some local Spellers, and that was so inspiring to me in my goal of helping to build the Speller community here is Ireland one day. And I am so feeling the love of my family here, and that also inspires me to be involved with the Speller community here. I will share more photos in the coming days on social media.
Now I am in an adorable coffee shop in Galway. We will drive back to Dublin today and visit my father’s grave. And we will spend more time with family there. I am so grateful we could make this trip happen!