Dear Friends,

I am so grateful for your kind birthday wishes, and so happy after a fantastic birthday gathering last night! Thank you!

Tomorrow, Tara goes on a much deserved vacation. She has been working so hard this year, and is so hard on herself. I guess it is an oldest sister thing, plus her own personality and experiences, of course, but whatever it is, I hope she learns to be more gentle with herself. Anyway, I am so glad she will go off to surf to her heart’s delight somewhere tropical and less crowded than San Diego.

I am not too anxious about her being gone for eight days. My mom and our sister Eira are stronger CRPs than the last time Tara was away for an extended period. They are awesome supports! I am looking forward to making progress in how much they can support my communication. Of course, my mom also does most of my support in other ways, so that is already all good as is. It will be good to push ourselves more in communication without Tara to rely on. I am actually excited to see how we grow! Though I will miss Tara.

I am so hoping for a future where people like me have an easier time finding strong networks of support. That will take a lot of work, but I am thinking that it is possible. This kind of work is among the most precious and meaningful work that people can do, supporting others in interdependence. It should be treated as such in the world of practicalities and logistics. But that is a discussion for another time!

Bon voyage, Tara, and let’s do this, Mama and Eira! And friends, let me know how the support teams in your life take care of themselves!

Your Friend,

Danny

Dear Friends,

Wow, you are an amazing community! I feel so loved from your kind comments. It really helped me!

I am so full of things to share from Motormorphosis. I can’t think of how to start! It was so full of wonderful conversations, fascinating presentations, and loving community. There were so many important and inspiring ideas shared, and there were so many connections made and strengthened. And it is such an amazing feeling to be in a truly inclusive space.

My friend Noah made a powerful presentation on trauma. It was so needed! And the research panel was so cool, and Dr. Elizabeth Torres’ presentation made me feel so validated. Keep an eye out for the documentary on her work for a revolution in how we view autism! And I loved being on two panels alongside brilliant people. The BIPOC panel in particular was so important, but the real work must happen beyond the panel. And I have to add that I adored my blanket by Brent.

I am so full of more memories to share. Hanging out with friends in the lobby and at my vendor table and in the meeting rooms. Meeting new friends who like my work online. The amazing pool party. And quiet walks to dinner in the mellow evening with Tara. It was all so fantastic!

I have so many schemes and dreams in my mind getting ready to become plans. And I feel so happy after this gathering, despite my tough trip home. Great things are ahead! Thank you I-ASC and all my community, including you, for all the support and inspiration.

Your Friend,

Danny

Dear Friends,

Well, the rest of Motormorphosis was amazing! I will post more in the coming days. But today, I need to share that I had a panic attack on the plane before takeoff on the way home. It was bad. I freaked out and ran from the cockpit almost back to the gate, pushing people and so full of self-loathing. Tara ran after me, desperate to keep me safe and so scared while also struggling to carry the bags that I had dropped. I have never had this happen on a flight before, so we were both blind-sided.

I managed to run back onto the plane, so embarrassed and shaken, with Tara behind me and defending me from a rude comment like a fierce sister bear. I was still in panic mode made worse by feelings of shame and confusion and fear about what might happen next. Then a miracle: our friend Gigi, an S2C practitioner who we know from San Diego and who has a special calm and kind energy, was at the back of the plane, near our seats. She was with her family of young Spellers and her husband. It was such a relief to see these friendly faces.

But I was still in panic mode. I tried to stay seated but my body flipped out and I tore off my seatbelt and trampled Tara and the stranger next to us, and sprinted up the aisle until the crowd still boarding blocked me. Gigi and Tara followed me and helped me bring my body back to my seat. The stranger agreed to switch seats with Gigi so she sat next to us.

And still, my body freaked out, and I trampled Tara and Gigi to rush to the bathroom. The flight attendants had locked them for takeoff, but Gigi got them to unlock one for me. I was so sure we would get kicked off the flight. I was so mortified. I wanted to disappear.

But I made it back to my seat. And I was able to sit through the flight. I felt so low, so absolutely shattered after the warm glow of Motormorphosis. I felt so unworthy. I felt so afraid that my dreams of travel were now impossible. I worried about how Tara was feeling, and I could sense her feelings of stress and sadness and anger at how hard my life is, and shame that she couldn’t help me more. I worried about the landing, too. I was so embarrassed as well. I wanted to hide.

I managed to make it through the flight, and the taxi to the gate and waiting to disembark were tough, but Tara kept me constantly Spelling in those minutes to keep my body focused. It was such a relief to get off the plane and make my way home with our sister, and to have my loving mom and dogs welcome me back to a safe and caring home.

I am still processing this awful episode. My family and support team have helped me feel less shame, and I know I would never think less of my peers for going through something similar, so I am needing to treat myself the same way. I hope I can remember more the wonderful feelings from Motormorphosis over this bad event with a bit more time. And I hope my peers and I will one day fully internalize this important idea: we should never be made to feel shame for what we can’t control. I love you all, and we are part of a more compassionate future.

Your Friend,

Danny

Dear Friends,

Whew! An amazing and thrilling and fantastic and wonderful and ecstatic experience Motormorphosis has been so far, and there still is one more day to go! My heart is so very full of love and joy. What an astoundingly inclusive and vibrant community we have here.

I can’t yet give a summary of it all, but I want to say I have absolutely felt so loved here. And so inspired by all my peers and our staunch allies. This is a family to me.

And I still can’t grasp that I am on two panels, and selling my own book and poems and stickers, and hanging out and chatting with dear friends, and learning about the amazing work and ideas of my peers from their own presentations. What an impressive community to be a part of! Me from four years ago would never have fathomed this. Me from ten or twenty years ago would never have dared to imagine even a portion of this. And I still feel like I am dreaming at times, and not just because of the jetlag!

I am also so moved by the feedback of those who have come up to me to say they value my voice and work. It means so much to me after decades of being overlooked and unheard. That I can reach people in a meaningful way with my words is a gift I cherish. And I love being able to tell my heroes here how much I admire them.

More photos and updates to come soon. For now, I will go be Tara’s moral support at the hotel gym and then enjoy a dip in the pool! By the way, our Spellers pool party was incredible yesterday! And wow, I hope we have many more!

Your Friend,

Danny

Dear Friends,

So, I am still getting calibrated after a tough span, but I am so thrilled to be heading to Motormorphosis tomorrow! I still need to pack, but I wanted to post here first. I am so hoping to meet many of you and to see familiar faces again too. We are so absolutely happy whenever we meet new people in person who follow my work, so please say hi!

Now, I am on two panels that Tara shared previously. And I will be sharing a vendor table with my good friend Gregory C Tino. I am excited to announce some new merch for sale, all to be revealed at Motormorphosis and then online after. But one item that I am so stoked about and can’t wait to share is this new sticker, designed by me and Tara. Isn’t it rad? Available in three sizes. Will be available at Motormorphosis and online next week.

Today was an awesome but exhausting day, so I am going to go pack and rest! Love you all!

Your Friend,

Danny

Hi Friends of Danny! Tara here.

After a couple of days of calm, Danny is once again having a bit of a tough time, this time with more active dysregulation and, again, very little sleep. It’s so hard to see him have to struggle for days and days. Our mom is, as ever, tirelessly (well, she is actually extremely tired, but you know what I mean!) trying to find ways to help him, and we know he’s constantly trying, too.

He was hoping to promote this himself, but has asked me to go ahead and share this in the meantime:

Danny is super excited to be going to I-ASC’s 7th Annual Motormorphosis Conference. Motormorphosis is the flagship conference on the nonspeaking community and all things relating to Spelling to Communicate. There will be presentations on the latest information in communication, motor, research, and advocacy. Motormorphosis will be held in Herndon, Virginia, July 21st – 23rd of 2023, and he invites you to join him and many other fantastic Spellers, practitioners, and allies in attending this wonderful conference!

Here is the link to register: https://i-asc.org/events/motormorphosis-conference/

We hope to see you there!

Dear Friends,

Well. I thought I was through a rough patch, but that was a false glimmer of hope. It was another several days of restless wandering and very little sleep. But now I have felt more grounded for a few days, so I will tempt fate and declare that I am feeling good again!

I feel like it has been months since I connected on here. The tough part of feeling so off is that my joys seem so distant. I missed sharing online regularly, as I feel such support and community here. So I am so glad I feel up for posting again!

I have been able to still do a lot. I have been teaching at a summer school class for Spellers, with Spellers Center San Diego, and I love it – but it was more triggering than I anticipated to be back on a public school campus. I am also in the Self-Advocates Speakers Bureau training by Disability Voices United, and I am so learning a lot. I have also been getting back in the ocean, and it is so amazing to enjoy it again! I am also getting ready for Motormorphosis… I have new merch and old that I will be selling alongside my good friend Gregory C. Tino at our table, and I will be on two panels.

I am so wanting to share so much, but I am still tired and will post more in coming days. Thank you all for your friendship!

Your Friend,

Danny

Dear Friends,

Well, I am through another “off” spell. It wasn’t awful in that I wasn’t outwardly dysregulated, but it was still tough. I was calmly restless, which is as strange as it sounds! I was so unable to stay seated or lying down. So sleep was almost impossible. I was also so compulsive, but in a sluggish way. It was several days of being a zombie.

I was still able to do a lot, but it felt like such a struggle. But finally last night, I was able to sleep! And wow did I sleep. Maybe twelve hours. And I woke up feeling like me again!

So I hope to post more in the near future. I am so learning more and more about myself and my body as I go through those tough times. It is a winding and rocky path, but the views are ever more beautiful.

Your Friend,

Danny

Dear Friends,

Wow it has been a while! I have been so overwhelmed with commitments and goals, and Tara has been hustling hard for her work plus all that she somehow manages to do, and I have been feeling out of it for a few days. I still am out of it, but wanted to say hi. I hope to resume more regular posting next week. For now, a panel on AAC users will be held on Friday June 30, with some amazing panelists and also me! Check it out if you are available and interested!

Learn about the panel here

Register here

Your Friend,

Danny