Searching for Love

Dear Friends,

This is a bit scary for me, but I am being brave. I want to share that I am lonely romantically. It is getting me down these days.

I have mentioned my hope for romance before. But I have been too shy to say more before. I am so dreaming of a partner to love and to be loved by.

I hope to meet a speller woman close to my age (38) who is kind and funny and hopes to change the world. Someone who loves the ocean and irreverent jokes and days in the park with friends. Someone who loves dogs. Someone who dreams big. She does not need to live in San Diego or even California as I am open to a long-distance relationship.

I know it will be tough to find this person. And maybe she wouldn’t feel the same about me. I know that relationships are hard and complicated at times. And I know I still struggle to admit that I want this kind of love because I have been so marginalized in my life. But I know I need to try.

I guess I am hoping for any guidance you might have to help me find someone special. I am willing to try apps, but I don’t know if any spellers use them. I am willing to be set up on blind Zoom dates. I am willing to join more social activities to meet more spellers. Any suggestions are welcomed as long as they are kind.

I asked Tara to write a testimonial for me: “Being Danny’s sister, I am of course biased, but I am confident that he is the kindest, most considerate person I have ever met. He is outrageously funny, a gorgeous writer, and a fun adventure buddy, as well as a dedicated advocate. He is also incredibly brave, intelligent, thoughtful, and loving. Being loved by Danny in any way is a true gift that brings strength, comfort, and joy to anyone who is lucky enough to experience it. And he’s a handsome guy with a sharp sense of style!”

Thank you friends for any help you can offer. Thank you for being a safe community for me to share this vulnerable side.

Your Friend,

Danny

So Much to Say

Dear Friends,

I am so antsy today, despite being calmer than usual lately. It is complicated, but a big part of it is that I have so much to say and I am so limited in my communication speed and depending on support to communicate. It is infinitely better than no communication, but still has its challenges.

I am eager to do so much. And I am accepting that my disability likely means that I will always be constrained in my communication. But I just want to share that I am bursting with ideas and plans and dreams. I wish I could do more in this life!

All that to say that Tara is doing an amazing job, and my mom and younger sister too, and I am lucky to have three CRPs in my family. So many spellers have none in their household or just one. Even more nonspeakers have no access to spelling. Think of all that lost potential!

I am glad to express these feelings. Thank you for caring!

Your Friend,

Danny

Emotions are a lot

Dear Friends,

Hi! It has been a while. I had a great time with my mom and little sister. My sister and I can now do creative writing together, which opens up a universe of things we can do together. My mom is now confident in zoom meetings with me, which is a huge step for us. I am so happy to have more fluent communication support in my family!

But I missed Tara so much. It felt heavy on my heart. It was tough emotionally. She is not only my main CRP. She is my ally and soulmate. She is the kind encouragement that gives me so much courage. She is an amazing person to have in my life.

So I am so thrilled she is back! Wow. It feels like sunshine in my heart. I am so proud to show her how we all have progressed in her absence, and delighted to spell with her again. I am glad she could have this fantastic trip, and that she is home again!

So there has been a lot of emotional energy in my body lately. Plus a relative is going through a health scare. It is stressful and sad. And I have been thinking about my dad, who was in the hospital around this time six years ago.

And Mother’s Day was yesterday. It was a lovely day! But I planned an ambitious menu that kept us kids super busy. So it was tiring.

All this to say that I am quite fatigued, mainly from emotions I think. And emotions are so draining sometimes. I wish I could nap all day! But I still want to do things like catch up on social media. So here I am!

I missed you all! I am glad to be back online. More to come soon!

Your Friend,

Danny

Three happy smiling people in a car; Danny is in the front passenger seat wearing his Nonspeaking Very Verbal t-shirt, with a huge smile, next to Tara in the driver's seat. Their mom is leaning over from the back seat.

Episode 7 of AOBH: When We Are Apart

Dear Friends,

Well, here is our 7th episode of the All Our Brave Hearts podcast, and the last one we’ll post until mid-May. This is an emotional and personal one as we discuss our feelings about our longest time apart since we started spelling together four years ago. Tara’s trip is a great opportunity for all of us. But of course we feel sadness about missing each other. And it highlights a major inequality in our relationship and in my relationship with my whole support team, which is that they can all leave and do their own thing, while I will always be dependent on them.

Some excerpts are shared here. Listen to and/or read the whole episode on Substack (AllOurBraveHearts.substack.com) and you can also listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. And share far and wide, please!

This time apart will not be easy. But it will be good.

Thank you for listening and sharing your comments with us!

Your Friend,

Danny

p.s. from Tara: I’m about 2.5, 3 weeks into my trip. Before I left, Danny and I were chatting about his feelings regarding my departure for this trip, and he admitted: “Part of me is worried that you’ll realize you don’t want to come back.” And while I am thrilled to have this temporary peek back into what my life used to be more like, and I hope to be able to do more of it in the future, it’s also confirmed to me how very much being Danny’s ally, being Danny’s main communication support, means to me in my life. So I reassured him then, and I can reassure him again, that I am definitely coming back, and that we are going to continue to do great things and to just have wonderful time together.

Tara and Danny sit cross-legged, next to each other, on a red picnic blanket on a dried out lawn in front of some evergreen trees. Tara is smiling and holds a letterboard while Danny points to a letter on it. Upper right corner, bold black text: When We Are Apart, episode 7. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and red. Lower left, black text: Episode 7: When We Are Apart. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: T: I will tell you about my trip. I'll be in Southeast Asia for 7 to 8 weeks. Most of my career in conservation has been based in Southeast Asia. I used to spend at least several months of the year there, and have lived there full-time, too. I haven’t been back in 4 years. This is our longest time apart by far since we started spelling together 4 years ago. D: So I am going to miss you so much. I will feel incomplete and so much more vulnerable. But I am truly excited for you and also for me. This will be a great step for me and the rest of my support team. We will learn a lot.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and red. Lower left, black text: Episode 7: When We Are Apart. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: T: I love being the main person coordinating your activities and getting to join in on them. In reality, it's not that sustainable to have it be so much one person. And it's vulnerable to not have other people who can come in as alternates to support you in the many activities you are involved in and that help you lead a fulfilling life. We've been working to have our sister and mom strengthen their fluency with Danny, and gain more experience supporting his different activities. D: They’ve been doing great! We all need to stretch our wings.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and red. Lower left, black text: Episode 7: When We Are Apart. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: D: I love that you can do your own thing! I am genuinely happy for you. I admire your adventures and would not want you to give them up. I know it is in your blood and brings you such joy. This is just a part of our dynamic. You give me so much of you most of the time. You need some things just for you. As do I. But I am more limited in what I can do on my own. T: I remember a past conversation when you told me, "I'm always the one left behind. I never get to go pursue my own dreams." And that really weighed heavily on my heart.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and red. Lower left, black text: Episode 7: When We Are Apart. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: D: I am not trying to be a downer. This is just a real issue that I face. It is a good way to practice working on acceptance. This will not change because my disability is inherently one that requires almost constant support. I think my best hope is cultivating a thriving community of interdependence so I am not so intensely dependent on only a few people. T: At least for now, the best action we can take on this is making you feel that even if you can't go do your own thing in the same way, that your life is fulfilling, you have a lot of options for things that bring you joy and to be with people who you love being around, and again not being so dependent on a small number of people.

AOBH Episode 6: Sharing some of my poetry

Dear Friends,

Another week, another episode of our All Our Brave Hearts podcast! This episode is a special and personal one. I wanted to share some of my poetry inspired by the idea of togetherness. Poetry is one of the most powerful ways I can express myself in this new chapter of life with communication.

You can listen and/or read the whole episode as always at AllOurBraveHearts.Substack.com (here is the episode link), and also listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

This podcast means so much to me that I powered through with Tara and recorded 3 episodes on her last day before her trip. Whew! Even though it was tiring, it was fun and fulfilling. This episode in particular was enjoyable to prepare and record.

I hope this inspires you to look into the poetry of other spellers and other marginalized groups!

Your Friend,
Danny

p.s. from Tara: I’m in Manila as I schedule these posts to go up, and will be on the island of Palawan looking for dolphins by the time this is posted. We have done a couple of video calls, but he says while he’s happy to see me, it triggers his feelings of missing me. We’ll try Zoom, which is something he’s more used to using versus just a video call on a phone. He’s still doing well with our mom and sister. While I’m here, I’m trying to make connections in the region with anyone who works with nonspeakers to lay the foundation for future visits with Danny to help get more people spelling out here! I sure miss him, and it’s a gift to have his poems to read even while we’re apart.

Image: A man and woman - brother and sister - sit next to each other on a picnic blanket on a lawn. They are in a park in golden late afternoon light. Behind them is a wooden lattice structure (a botanical building) and a pond. The man leans forward to type on a laptop perched on a small camping chair in front of him.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and light blue. Lower left, black text: Episode 6: Poems on Togetherness. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: I am so wanting to share some of my poems today. I love poetry! Many of us spellers do. It is an art form that crafts images and ideas out of the creative wielding of words. Perfect for our hyperconnected brains and cherishing of hard-won communication. We all have different styles, which is fascinating. Writing poems is an outlet for me. I can express so much of what I am feeling through relatively few words. It is a gift for my loved ones, too. I can depict our lives and experiences for us to remember and relive.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and light blue. Lower left, black text: Episode 6: Poems on Togetherness. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: I create poems in my head. Not the exact words, but the sense and feeling of the poem. Then I spell out the words that flow from that. I rarely edit and I rarely get writer's block. It is a process of my daily life to ideate poems. I encourage you to seek out poetry by other spellers and other marginalized groups. Our words tell our worlds. Today I want to share some poems about togetherness. This is a central theme for me in my life where I am so appreciating interdependence and the ability to finally share with my loved ones how deeply I care about them.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and light blue. Lower left, black text: Episode 6: Poems on Togetherness. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: Tara: From the early days of us spelling together, poetry has been a central part of how Danny expresses himself creatively. It really is such a precious gift to have, Danny. To be able to read your poems, which so beautifully and profoundly and evocatively capture key moments and feelings that we experience as a family. The bad times, the hard times, the heartache, the heartbreak, but also the times of joy and elation and even those really beautiful quiet moments of contentment that we share together. I'm so grateful that our shared experience is documented in these really beautiful words.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and light blue. Lower left, black text: Episode 6: Poems on Togetherness. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: In my all so difficult life The reality is at times so Sharp cutting slicing Cross-sections of my constructed dreams And they collapse folded on themselves Their weight crushes me underneath And in this heightened gravity All that keeps me All that saves me All that clears the debris And lets me start again Is your love. Danny Whitty
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and light blue. Lower left, black text: Episode 6: Poems on Togetherness. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: Kitchen I have been here twice before Years apart And it is a borrowed sense of home A suspended and parallel home And it is beyond normal time Or at least beyond my normal time And it is also temporary We are all temporary In this form And it is all the more beautiful. Danny Whitty
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and light blue. Lower left, black text: Episode 6: Poems on Togetherness. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: This is a Universe I don't know how I first learned about Multiple parallel universes, Nor do I know much about the idea But I often think about me In those other universes, Me free and easy and talking as my Beautiful mind dictates And us all in a house we own And living for love and all that is gorgeous And our regrets never were But I sit here between you And if this is my universe, I think it is all I need. Danny Whitty

AOBH Episode 5: Disability is not a dirty word

Dear Friends,

Episode 5 of the All Our Brave Hearts podcast is here! In this episode, we discuss some of the language around disability in a more broad way than Episode 2, which focused on the labels “nonspeaking” and “nonverbal.” This is a particularly good episode to listen to if you are not very familiar or comfortable with talking about disability. So I encourage you to share this widely!

I should state here that preferences vary by disability type, culture, and individuals as far as generalized rules on labels related to disability. What I share here is my own preferences, and these align with most nonspeaking autistic folks that I know personally. Please ask people for their personal preferences. And ask disabled people first before non-disabled experts.

You can listen and read the transcript here (and if you subscribe there, the audio and transcript will come right to your inbox!). You can also listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Please rate and review on whatever platform you use! It helps other people find the podcast.

Thank you for listening along, my friends!

Your Friend,

Danny

p.s. from Tara: Danny is doing well these days, and is enjoying strengthening his communication connection with our mom and sister. He’s amazed by his own resilience, but then again, he is one of the strongest humans I’ve ever met.

Photo of a sunset over the ocean by a beautiful green cliff. In the foreground: Danny, a handsome young man, gazes confidently into the camera, while two women - his sister and mom - walk along the cliff behind him.

All Our Brave Hearts Q&A Episode

Dear Friends,

Here is our first Question & Answer episode for the All Our Brave Hearts podcast. I respond to questions following up on our Episode 2 (“nonspeaking” vs “nonverbal” labels), as well a question about interdependence and about what animal I’d choose to transform into. It is a fun episode!

You can listen and read the transcript at AllOurBraveHearts.substack.com, and you can also listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts – just search All Our Brave Hearts. Please share, like, review, comment, and all of that!

We also set up a Ko-Fi account for me, for anyone who is able to donate to support my unpaid advocacy work with social media and this podcast. All the money goes to me!

Please keep sending us your questions for future Q&A episodes.

Your Friend,

Danny

(Note from Tara: these blurbs were prepared before my trip, which is why they don’t contain Danny’s usual updates about how he’s doing. But I heard from my mom that he had a wonderful time my first day away, with our sister and Danny absolutely rocking two activities that are new to their spelling partnership. He’s feeling proud and confident. I’ve just arrived in Bangkok, and I sure miss him!)

Tara’s Trip

Dear Friends,

Tara is going on a long trip for her marine conservation consulting work. Seven weeks or so! I am so thrilled for her, but we are both sad about our time apart. It is our longest separation in over four years. I will feel incomplete without her.

But my mom and my other sister are awesome and will take over much of what Tara does in terms of coordinating and supporting my activities. They are more fluent than ever with me now, and we are going to do great. It won’t be easy, but it will be so important for us to gain this experience together. I am excited for us!

Tara is an angel to me. She deserves this time to enjoy her work and friends and even some fun in Southeast Asia, where she used to work extensively. I am so lucky she gave that up for me. But one day, we will travel there together! That is my dream. We will make it happen.

My social media posts will be more sporadic while she is gone. We have pre-recorded a few more All Our Brave Hearts podcast episodes, so keep an eye out for those in the coming weeks. I will be enjoying this new experience with my mom and other sister, and taking it easy for a bit, too. More regular posting will resume in May!

Your Friend,

Danny

Episode 3 of All Our Brave Hearts!

Dear Friends,

Thank you for the great recommendations for diversity training! We have a lot to review.

Today, I am happy to share Episode 3 of the All Our Brave Hearts podcast! This is on being in public in my disabled body. I am so absolutely sure you will resonate with this episode. Whether you are disabled, a support person, an ally, or a person in public, this episode will touch on your experiences.

As you know if you have followed my account, I adore being out in public. But it is certainly challenging. And it is the reactions or actions of others that often is the biggest source of stress. We chat about that and how we handle it and some ideas for a more inclusive experience in public.

Please continue to like, share, subscribe, and comment on whatever platform you use to access this podcast:
Substack
Spotify
Apple Podcasts

Thank you for listening and/or reading along!

Your Friend,

Danny

Image: two people walking arm in arm through shaded columns toward a sunny lawn and sculpture garden, with a majestic dome and bell tower in the background. Black text superimposed: Episode 3, Being in Public. Lower Right: Black rectangle with black text inside saying "all our brave hearts"
Yellow and white gradient background. Black text: Danny: I am inherently wary of being in public. I know from experience that people can be so casually mean, and I am embarrassed by their reactions to me. I have heard so many rude and hurtful comments, said loudly and with no concern for me as a person. That is almost worse than the rude comments themselves - the assumption that I can't understand and that my feelings don't matter.
Yellow and white gradient background. Black text: Danny: At times, my unruly body actually does act in ways that are rude or alarming. I can't blame people for being uneasy or shocked by that. But it still hurts to be gawked at. I don't have a solution for this. I hope that as people learn more about disabilities, including mine, there will be broader understanding and compassion. It is tricky because I know my body can be scary at times when I am dysregulated. I can't expect people to not react.
Yellow and white gradient background. Black text: Danny: I am so wanting to share what people can do to make being in public less stressful for me and my peers. First: know that we struggle to control our bodies and we are desperately trying to; second: we can see and hear your reactions to us, so be mindful of what you say and how; third: we are wanting to be accepted in public, and we do care about what people think, so any kindness and patience you can share with us is appreciated.
Yellow and white gradient background. Black text: Danny: I am so shy because of this. Each time I go in public, I have so much anxiety around how I will be treated and how my body will act. It is a lot to carry in my mind. I love being in public! I love coffeeshops and cool restaurants and museums and parks and the beach! I love going out on the town. I love traveling. I deserve to be in those spaces. And I hope one day I will encounter less judgement and rudeness in them.
Yellow and white gradient background. Black text: Tara: Danny’s invited me to share my experience in this situation... I am, of course, one of your fierce sister bears. I am always ready - if someone so much as looks at you sideways - I'm ready to leap to your defense, ready to stand up for you, ready to chastise them if they say anything unkind. ...I find myself in this state of hypervigilance, and juggling the dignity of risk that Danny deserves to have, and our safety and comfort concerns. ...this calibration of being polite and respectful to other people, *and* being respectful of you, Danny, and your disability and that reality, is a calibration that I keep working on. I'm really glad that I can have your feedback on this, Danny.

Seeking disability-informed diversity training

Dear Friends,

I am so hoping you can help with this! An advocacy group I am part of is seeking disability-informed diversity training. Communication access is limited for us nonspeaking apraxic folks, but particularly for BIPOC families. Even our group is not very racially representative. So we are needing to develop a diversity campaign, but first our team needs to build familiarity with diversity issues.

Please recommend any trainers or programs! I so appreciate it.

Your Friend,

Danny