Announcing a new course for spellers

Dear Friends,

I am so thrilled to announce a new course that I am offering! This is an important topic, and I am eager to help other spellers through their transition to life with communication.

Announcing “Stepping into a new life: How to identify, prioritize, and plan for your goals,” a 3-session short course pilot.

Gaining access to communication is a huge shift for nonspeakers. It is exciting, but opens up a new and complex world of possibilities to navigate. We will share guidance for how to identify, prioritize, and plan out goals for this new chapter of life. Participants will share their goals and we will teach and work through the steps of defining and planning specific toward those goals.

– We will pilot this with six speller participants to begin with. If more than 6 interested parties contact us, we will randomly select participants.

– Open to fluent spellers with their CRPs (Communication Regulation Partner). Please contact me at DannyWithWords.com/contact or send me a DM here to learn more and/or register!

– Sessions will be via Zoom, on Mondays (June 24, July 1, July 8) from 3 to 4pm Pacific Time.

– The cost is $30 for the whole course (payment via Venmo, Paypal, or Stripe preferred, but other options can be explored).

– Each session builds on the previous session, so please intend to join all 3.

Taught by me and my sister. I am a nonspeaking autistic advocate and writer, who finally gained communication access in my daily life four years ago. I know firsthand how exciting but also overwhelming it can be to face this huge life change. As an active member of the Spellers and Allies Advocacy Network and the Nonspeaking Leadership Council of I-ASC, I am familiar with the diverse journeys and options that many spellers choose in their new lives.

My sister Tara is an expert in project planning and monitoring and evaluation, holding a PhD in marine conservation (with research focused on project evaluation) and working as a consultant for major global conservation organizations. She is an experienced trainer, and also has been the main advisor to me in structuring my life since I gained fluency with her. She is a certified Spelling to Communicate practitioner.

We will work to make the course materials available online after for other interested spellers and families, with the option to schedule consultations with me – stay tuned for announcements about this!

We look forward to sharing lessons from life after spelling with you.

Thank you,

Danny

More Friends

Dear Friends,

I am having a lot of feelings well up lately. It has been a bit tough. But also good to process them. Maybe it is allergies getting me down. Or the anniversary of my dad’s last days. Or my aunt in palliative care far away. Or who knows.

But there are moments of joy. For example, yesterday I joined Tara in her spelling sessions with clients about an hour away. I asked if I could join because I was feeling lonely and I wanted to see other spellers in person. The client families were so welcoming!

I am so happy to share that I made two new friends around my age. We had a great time spelling together. They are so kind and funny! They are so feeling the elation of being newly fluent. It was awesome to hang out. I am so proud of them for all their hard work. We are just beginning our great friendships.

We also met up with another client who I am already friends with. He was so happy to hang out too!

This helped my heart so much. I also love long drives with Tara, and I also loved watching her work with her clients. She is a special practitioner. I am proud of her.

I still feel a bit overloaded with emotions, but I am learning to be resilient. And time with friends helped!

Your Friend,

Danny

All Our Brave Hearts – back again!

Dear Friends,

It is finally time to share another All Our Brave Hearts episode! It has been too long.

This episode is about how we value people. This is a particularly powerful topic for disabled people, but it is important for everyone. Think about how you feel about your worth. And how you feel about the worth of people like me who need so much support to survive and even more to thrive. You might find yourself facing some uncomfortable questions. We all need to examine our ingrained ideas about worth.

I am happy to hear that several of you are tuning in! Please share broadly because I think that everyone can learn from our podcast.

Thank you for listening on Spotify or Apple Podcasts! You can read our transcript on Substack.

Your Friend,

Danny

Background: Photo of Danny, his younger sister, and mom standing together on a ferry on the water. Danny is leaning against the railing, looking out toward the water. His sister and mom are behind him, hugging him with expressions of bliss and love on their faces. Text, bold black: episode 8, What is Worth. Lower left corner: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle.

That Time of Year

Dear Friends,

It is once again late May. Six years ago, my dad was in the hospital in his final days. I was unable to share my feelings as I had no CRP at the time. I was unable to demonstrate with my body language how I wanted to just be by his side.

I can’t believe this was six years ago now. I am in awe of what I have gone through in grief. I miss him still.

I am stronger now. He would be so proud of me. He already was proud of me before spelling. He was not perfect, and many things he did hurt me. But he was only human and he had struggles of his own. He loved me, but struggled to always show it in the way I needed.

So we both had a brain-body disconnect in expressing our hearts. He was still a joyful cheerleader and friend to me. He was so bright.

I am grateful I can share about him with you. He deserves to be known.

Your Friend,

Danny

Searching for Love

Dear Friends,

This is a bit scary for me, but I am being brave. I want to share that I am lonely romantically. It is getting me down these days.

I have mentioned my hope for romance before. But I have been too shy to say more before. I am so dreaming of a partner to love and to be loved by.

I hope to meet a speller woman close to my age (38) who is kind and funny and hopes to change the world. Someone who loves the ocean and irreverent jokes and days in the park with friends. Someone who loves dogs. Someone who dreams big. She does not need to live in San Diego or even California as I am open to a long-distance relationship.

I know it will be tough to find this person. And maybe she wouldn’t feel the same about me. I know that relationships are hard and complicated at times. And I know I still struggle to admit that I want this kind of love because I have been so marginalized in my life. But I know I need to try.

I guess I am hoping for any guidance you might have to help me find someone special. I am willing to try apps, but I don’t know if any spellers use them. I am willing to be set up on blind Zoom dates. I am willing to join more social activities to meet more spellers. Any suggestions are welcomed as long as they are kind.

I asked Tara to write a testimonial for me: “Being Danny’s sister, I am of course biased, but I am confident that he is the kindest, most considerate person I have ever met. He is outrageously funny, a gorgeous writer, and a fun adventure buddy, as well as a dedicated advocate. He is also incredibly brave, intelligent, thoughtful, and loving. Being loved by Danny in any way is a true gift that brings strength, comfort, and joy to anyone who is lucky enough to experience it. And he’s a handsome guy with a sharp sense of style!”

Thank you friends for any help you can offer. Thank you for being a safe community for me to share this vulnerable side.

Your Friend,

Danny

So Much to Say

Dear Friends,

I am so antsy today, despite being calmer than usual lately. It is complicated, but a big part of it is that I have so much to say and I am so limited in my communication speed and depending on support to communicate. It is infinitely better than no communication, but still has its challenges.

I am eager to do so much. And I am accepting that my disability likely means that I will always be constrained in my communication. But I just want to share that I am bursting with ideas and plans and dreams. I wish I could do more in this life!

All that to say that Tara is doing an amazing job, and my mom and younger sister too, and I am lucky to have three CRPs in my family. So many spellers have none in their household or just one. Even more nonspeakers have no access to spelling. Think of all that lost potential!

I am glad to express these feelings. Thank you for caring!

Your Friend,

Danny

Emotions are a lot

Dear Friends,

Hi! It has been a while. I had a great time with my mom and little sister. My sister and I can now do creative writing together, which opens up a universe of things we can do together. My mom is now confident in zoom meetings with me, which is a huge step for us. I am so happy to have more fluent communication support in my family!

But I missed Tara so much. It felt heavy on my heart. It was tough emotionally. She is not only my main CRP. She is my ally and soulmate. She is the kind encouragement that gives me so much courage. She is an amazing person to have in my life.

So I am so thrilled she is back! Wow. It feels like sunshine in my heart. I am so proud to show her how we all have progressed in her absence, and delighted to spell with her again. I am glad she could have this fantastic trip, and that she is home again!

So there has been a lot of emotional energy in my body lately. Plus a relative is going through a health scare. It is stressful and sad. And I have been thinking about my dad, who was in the hospital around this time six years ago.

And Mother’s Day was yesterday. It was a lovely day! But I planned an ambitious menu that kept us kids super busy. So it was tiring.

All this to say that I am quite fatigued, mainly from emotions I think. And emotions are so draining sometimes. I wish I could nap all day! But I still want to do things like catch up on social media. So here I am!

I missed you all! I am glad to be back online. More to come soon!

Your Friend,

Danny

Three happy smiling people in a car; Danny is in the front passenger seat wearing his Nonspeaking Very Verbal t-shirt, with a huge smile, next to Tara in the driver's seat. Their mom is leaning over from the back seat.

Episode 7 of AOBH: When We Are Apart

Dear Friends,

Well, here is our 7th episode of the All Our Brave Hearts podcast, and the last one we’ll post until mid-May. This is an emotional and personal one as we discuss our feelings about our longest time apart since we started spelling together four years ago. Tara’s trip is a great opportunity for all of us. But of course we feel sadness about missing each other. And it highlights a major inequality in our relationship and in my relationship with my whole support team, which is that they can all leave and do their own thing, while I will always be dependent on them.

Some excerpts are shared here. Listen to and/or read the whole episode on Substack (AllOurBraveHearts.substack.com) and you can also listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. And share far and wide, please!

This time apart will not be easy. But it will be good.

Thank you for listening and sharing your comments with us!

Your Friend,

Danny

p.s. from Tara: I’m about 2.5, 3 weeks into my trip. Before I left, Danny and I were chatting about his feelings regarding my departure for this trip, and he admitted: “Part of me is worried that you’ll realize you don’t want to come back.” And while I am thrilled to have this temporary peek back into what my life used to be more like, and I hope to be able to do more of it in the future, it’s also confirmed to me how very much being Danny’s ally, being Danny’s main communication support, means to me in my life. So I reassured him then, and I can reassure him again, that I am definitely coming back, and that we are going to continue to do great things and to just have wonderful time together.

Tara and Danny sit cross-legged, next to each other, on a red picnic blanket on a dried out lawn in front of some evergreen trees. Tara is smiling and holds a letterboard while Danny points to a letter on it. Upper right corner, bold black text: When We Are Apart, episode 7. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and red. Lower left, black text: Episode 7: When We Are Apart. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: T: I will tell you about my trip. I'll be in Southeast Asia for 7 to 8 weeks. Most of my career in conservation has been based in Southeast Asia. I used to spend at least several months of the year there, and have lived there full-time, too. I haven’t been back in 4 years. This is our longest time apart by far since we started spelling together 4 years ago. D: So I am going to miss you so much. I will feel incomplete and so much more vulnerable. But I am truly excited for you and also for me. This will be a great step for me and the rest of my support team. We will learn a lot.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and red. Lower left, black text: Episode 7: When We Are Apart. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: T: I love being the main person coordinating your activities and getting to join in on them. In reality, it's not that sustainable to have it be so much one person. And it's vulnerable to not have other people who can come in as alternates to support you in the many activities you are involved in and that help you lead a fulfilling life. We've been working to have our sister and mom strengthen their fluency with Danny, and gain more experience supporting his different activities. D: They’ve been doing great! We all need to stretch our wings.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and red. Lower left, black text: Episode 7: When We Are Apart. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: D: I love that you can do your own thing! I am genuinely happy for you. I admire your adventures and would not want you to give them up. I know it is in your blood and brings you such joy. This is just a part of our dynamic. You give me so much of you most of the time. You need some things just for you. As do I. But I am more limited in what I can do on my own. T: I remember a past conversation when you told me, "I'm always the one left behind. I never get to go pursue my own dreams." And that really weighed heavily on my heart.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and red. Lower left, black text: Episode 7: When We Are Apart. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: D: I am not trying to be a downer. This is just a real issue that I face. It is a good way to practice working on acceptance. This will not change because my disability is inherently one that requires almost constant support. I think my best hope is cultivating a thriving community of interdependence so I am not so intensely dependent on only a few people. T: At least for now, the best action we can take on this is making you feel that even if you can't go do your own thing in the same way, that your life is fulfilling, you have a lot of options for things that bring you joy and to be with people who you love being around, and again not being so dependent on a small number of people.

AOBH Episode 6: Sharing some of my poetry

Dear Friends,

Another week, another episode of our All Our Brave Hearts podcast! This episode is a special and personal one. I wanted to share some of my poetry inspired by the idea of togetherness. Poetry is one of the most powerful ways I can express myself in this new chapter of life with communication.

You can listen and/or read the whole episode as always at AllOurBraveHearts.Substack.com (here is the episode link), and also listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

This podcast means so much to me that I powered through with Tara and recorded 3 episodes on her last day before her trip. Whew! Even though it was tiring, it was fun and fulfilling. This episode in particular was enjoyable to prepare and record.

I hope this inspires you to look into the poetry of other spellers and other marginalized groups!

Your Friend,
Danny

p.s. from Tara: I’m in Manila as I schedule these posts to go up, and will be on the island of Palawan looking for dolphins by the time this is posted. We have done a couple of video calls, but he says while he’s happy to see me, it triggers his feelings of missing me. We’ll try Zoom, which is something he’s more used to using versus just a video call on a phone. He’s still doing well with our mom and sister. While I’m here, I’m trying to make connections in the region with anyone who works with nonspeakers to lay the foundation for future visits with Danny to help get more people spelling out here! I sure miss him, and it’s a gift to have his poems to read even while we’re apart.

Image: A man and woman - brother and sister - sit next to each other on a picnic blanket on a lawn. They are in a park in golden late afternoon light. Behind them is a wooden lattice structure (a botanical building) and a pond. The man leans forward to type on a laptop perched on a small camping chair in front of him.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and light blue. Lower left, black text: Episode 6: Poems on Togetherness. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: I am so wanting to share some of my poems today. I love poetry! Many of us spellers do. It is an art form that crafts images and ideas out of the creative wielding of words. Perfect for our hyperconnected brains and cherishing of hard-won communication. We all have different styles, which is fascinating. Writing poems is an outlet for me. I can express so much of what I am feeling through relatively few words. It is a gift for my loved ones, too. I can depict our lives and experiences for us to remember and relive.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and light blue. Lower left, black text: Episode 6: Poems on Togetherness. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: I create poems in my head. Not the exact words, but the sense and feeling of the poem. Then I spell out the words that flow from that. I rarely edit and I rarely get writer's block. It is a process of my daily life to ideate poems. I encourage you to seek out poetry by other spellers and other marginalized groups. Our words tell our worlds. Today I want to share some poems about togetherness. This is a central theme for me in my life where I am so appreciating interdependence and the ability to finally share with my loved ones how deeply I care about them.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and light blue. Lower left, black text: Episode 6: Poems on Togetherness. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: Tara: From the early days of us spelling together, poetry has been a central part of how Danny expresses himself creatively. It really is such a precious gift to have, Danny. To be able to read your poems, which so beautifully and profoundly and evocatively capture key moments and feelings that we experience as a family. The bad times, the hard times, the heartache, the heartbreak, but also the times of joy and elation and even those really beautiful quiet moments of contentment that we share together. I'm so grateful that our shared experience is documented in these really beautiful words.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and light blue. Lower left, black text: Episode 6: Poems on Togetherness. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: In my all so difficult life The reality is at times so Sharp cutting slicing Cross-sections of my constructed dreams And they collapse folded on themselves Their weight crushes me underneath And in this heightened gravity All that keeps me All that saves me All that clears the debris And lets me start again Is your love. Danny Whitty
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and light blue. Lower left, black text: Episode 6: Poems on Togetherness. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: Kitchen I have been here twice before Years apart And it is a borrowed sense of home A suspended and parallel home And it is beyond normal time Or at least beyond my normal time And it is also temporary We are all temporary In this form And it is all the more beautiful. Danny Whitty
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and light blue. Lower left, black text: Episode 6: Poems on Togetherness. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: This is a Universe I don't know how I first learned about Multiple parallel universes, Nor do I know much about the idea But I often think about me In those other universes, Me free and easy and talking as my Beautiful mind dictates And us all in a house we own And living for love and all that is gorgeous And our regrets never were But I sit here between you And if this is my universe, I think it is all I need. Danny Whitty

AOBH Episode 5: Disability is not a dirty word

Dear Friends,

Episode 5 of the All Our Brave Hearts podcast is here! In this episode, we discuss some of the language around disability in a more broad way than Episode 2, which focused on the labels “nonspeaking” and “nonverbal.” This is a particularly good episode to listen to if you are not very familiar or comfortable with talking about disability. So I encourage you to share this widely!

I should state here that preferences vary by disability type, culture, and individuals as far as generalized rules on labels related to disability. What I share here is my own preferences, and these align with most nonspeaking autistic folks that I know personally. Please ask people for their personal preferences. And ask disabled people first before non-disabled experts.

You can listen and read the transcript here (and if you subscribe there, the audio and transcript will come right to your inbox!). You can also listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Please rate and review on whatever platform you use! It helps other people find the podcast.

Thank you for listening along, my friends!

Your Friend,

Danny

p.s. from Tara: Danny is doing well these days, and is enjoying strengthening his communication connection with our mom and sister. He’s amazed by his own resilience, but then again, he is one of the strongest humans I’ve ever met.

Photo of a sunset over the ocean by a beautiful green cliff. In the foreground: Danny, a handsome young man, gazes confidently into the camera, while two women - his sister and mom - walk along the cliff behind him.