Drained

Dear Friends,

I am so moved by your support in response to my last post. It has helped immensely. I am surprised at how much this has had an impact on me. Maybe I am also fatigued, or maybe there are other stressors wearing down my resilience. But I do feel awfully drained.

Today, I am sitting in a coffee shop, surrounded by other people busily typing and chatting. I usually love being part of such scenes. But today, I feel sad and discouraged. I feel like I will always be an outsider in society. I feel like I cannot go in public without worrying that someone will diminish me with a stare or a thoughtless word.

It is sort of accepting that such assaults and injuries to my dignity are a fact of my life. There is some change, but it is slow and the ableism behind such behavior is so pervasive and ingrained. So in my lifetime, I will likely always have to encounter such incidents or at least be aware that they could happen any time I venture into public spaces.

I know this is not uplifting for you. I am sorry for that. The main goal of my work on here is to share encouragement and insight to help my community and our allies. The times when I share difficult feelings are a bit selfish, because I just need to express them. I find that in these cases, you all are the ones providing encouragement.

Thank you for being such a supportive community.

This discouraged mindset will fade, and I will come charging back with schemes and motivation to change the world and how it treats us. For now, I need to sit with it and nurse my heart.

Your Friend,

Danny