Dear Friends,
I am overall doing okay these days, especially compared to past years. But I am going through a span of feeling on edge. It is much more manageable than in the past. And I am so grateful that my hard work in therapy and mindfulness practice as well as figuring out how to lower my blood pressure have helped me get here. I know it will be an ongoing process of learning and calibrating over my life. But I am much more resilient than I used to be.
The other major piece to my resilience has been my family learning to better co-regulate with me. This is huge. It helps me so much. They have worked hard to unlearn misconceptions about nonspeaking autistic behavior, which society ingrained in them. They are so lovingly working on more spacious and compassionate ways of responding to my dysregulation. And that is tough, because I can be a real pain when dysregulation strikes.
I get loud and bully people into doing things or interfere with what they want to do. I stim loudly and frantically and it even drives me nuts. I also get into explosive rages and the anger is scary. And my compulsions get so intense. It is awful for everyone.
I know I can’t help most of it. This is my disability’s ugliest side, for me. And I also know it is difficult to live with. But I have also learned that there are ways to make it a bit better over time.
These days, the anger still boils over at times, the stimming gets loud and frantic, and compulsions intensify. But the frequency and magnitude and duration are significantly lower. And I am learning to feel more confident that these bouts are manageable.
I am aware that each nonspeaker is different. Our regulation profiles vary widely. But I feel that practicing true mindfulness and learning more about mental health could be so helpful to many nonspeakers and their families. This has been life-changing for me and my family.
Your Friend,
Danny
Danny With Words 