Exploring Anger

Dear Friends,

I have been in a great place recently. Regulated and mostly happy. So it was a good time to dive into some heavy stuff with my therapist.

I have been wanting to figure out how to transform my rage into a less destructive feeling. It is only in adulthood that I have felt explosive anger regularly. It is not my nature. It is not how I want to feel. And it makes me do things that I don’t want to do.

It has been challenging to explore this, because whenever we try, I get dysregulated. My therapist is good about treading lightly, but I still would get so triggered. So it has been slow going.

This week was different. I was able to dive below the anger and into the deep sadness. The anger is protecting me from an endless grief. That is so profound to realize finally. I knew it intellectually, but I finally felt it this week.

Wow, a lot of thoughts and feelings came up! I kept spelling torrents of sadness. It flowed out of my heart onto the letterboard. It was so cathartic.

I have a lot to process. It is heavy, but it is something I need to do. It feels liberating to be in the process of familiarizing myself with my emotions.

I know that I have many reasons to be angry. But I don’t want to be controlled by anger. That is a big goal of mine.

That is it for now. It is good to share this journey with you.

Your Friend,

Danny