Dear Friends,
Wow, I have had so little energy lately! The pain and healing take a lot. It is so draining. But that doesn’t mean that I have been calm. I actually have had tremendously explosive dysregulation. It is what caused this injury in the first place. And it has continued into my recovery.
I don’t know what is driving it. It is more intense and angry than before. Yet it is more intermittent, allowing me some respite in between outbursts. This is new, around a year or a bit less. The power of the outbursts is frightening. Yet I am relieved that my dysregulation is no longer as uninterrupted as previously. So it is both worse and better.
Last week was bad. I went to such intensity in my shouting and stomping and running. It was unbearable to be around. I hated it. My poor mom was ragged trying to coexist with it and trying to help me. The dogs were so scared. I hated myself.
Then it passed over the weekend. I am not sure why it started or why it went away. That uncertainty is so frustrating. I am so wanting to better understand this all, but it is so complex.
So I am so doing better this week so far. I am still in pain but less so. I am sharing a photo from a good moment on the beach. This was a calm few hours in between really bad dysregulation.
Wishing you all more energy than I have!
Your Friend,
Danny
Danny With Words 
You look so happy
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Oh Danny. I wish more people could read your words so that the world could start to understand the hell that your body puts you through. They see intentional ‘behaviors’ that are destructive and self injurious; but there are many of us who know this is opposite of what you WANT to do. And to have injurred yourself in the process. Sending hugs and love to help you regulate and heal.
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