A Bit Carried Away

Dear Friends,

I am so fresh after the first good night of sleep in a while! It makes a difference.

This weekend, I was overwhelmed by energy. It was so exhausting. And it looked happy at times, but even that can be dysregulating. One thing that helps is being by the ocean. I was lucky to do that on both days. Tara brought me to the beach on Saturday, and after a quick dip in the chilly water, I roamed along the water’s edge, stimming and thinking. That was so freeing, but I still bubbled over with intense energy. Tara kept a close eye on me, but gave me space to feel on my own.

On Sunday, I joined my surf club Waves 4 All for the monthly surf. Wow, I was excited to be there! Too excited, because once I got my wetsuit on, I sprinted full speed into the water and kept going until I was chest deep, away from my coaches because my energy took over and I didn’t think about where I was going. The waves felt so powerful, and I felt my energy resonate with them. But I didn’t pay attention to the current pulling me north, nor to Tara yelling my name from shore. She was not prepared to go in the water, since it is better for her to stay on land with my letterboard while I surf so I can run to her in between waves and spell feedback for my coaches. She got the in-water volunteers to get my attention and guide me in. I know she would have leapt in if needed!

My coach Todd was great about it. He had been concerned, but not panicked, and expressed pride that I was comfortable in the water, but was firm in telling me to be more mindful. I get it. It is not all under my control, but it is important for me to learn these things for myself. I always push for more independence in these things. Tara was not expecting me to do this because I never have before, but now she knows I am able to do it, which necessitates a new level of supervision. She and my support team need to help me stay safe, but I also want to do what I can to keep myself safe. It is a balance of dignity of risk and safety.

I am proud that I can brave the waves on my own. But I needed to learn that it is not a good idea to actually do it on my own. My body just doesn’t have enough control to do it safely.

I am not trying to alarm anyone. I wasn’t in danger, just in a concerning situation. There were plenty of people to help me out. Tara shouldn’t be blamed, because I seriously sprinted away and she had no reason to suspect that I would go so far.

I still had fun surfing and seeing friends on a gorgeous sunny day! And I appreciate the chance to learn lessons like this.

What is a similar experience from your life?

Your Friend,

Danny