Antsy

Dear Friends,

It has been a little bit! I have been so struggling to sleep lately. It is so weird. My body feels so restless, but also is very calm. Like a quiet storm. It is so unusual, but it has been going on for a week or so now, maybe two weeks. I can’t get my body to sit or lie down for long, unless I am actively engaged in something. We have tried magnesium, zinc, iron, CBD and CBN, valerian, melatonin, and more. I finally requested ZzzQuil, a big step for me because I don’t love what Nyquil and similar do to me, so I have always avoided them. But I was desperate. It helped a little, but I was still wandering around like a ghost all hours of day and night.

I have no idea what the trigger is. And it is so frustrating. I am so rundown. Oddly, my motor skills are sharp, sharper than usual. Like my initiation and autonomous actions are so strong. But my OCD is also strong. So I don’t know what to make of it. That and also all of my goals that I can’t work on because I am so tired make me feel so frustrated.

Here is one of the poems I wrote about this today. I am not seeking medical advice, though I appreciate the desire to help. I just share to give my feelings some air. And to share what it is like in this autistic and apraxic body.

Your Friend,

Danny

ANTSY by Danny Whitty

I am full of ants

In my bloodstream

Streaming streaming streaming

And then some in my nerves

Twitching twitching twitching

I am a pile of ants

Swarming swarming swarming

And we are a colony

Driven to a purpose
That we know nothing of.