Episode 7 of AOBH: When We Are Apart

Posted byDanny WhittyPosted inBlogTags:, , ,

Dear Friends,

Well, here is our 7th episode of the All Our Brave Hearts podcast, and the last one we’ll post until mid-May. This is an emotional and personal one as we discuss our feelings about our longest time apart since we started spelling together four years ago. Tara’s trip is a great opportunity for all of us. But of course we feel sadness about missing each other. And it highlights a major inequality in our relationship and in my relationship with my whole support team, which is that they can all leave and do their own thing, while I will always be dependent on them.

Some excerpts are shared here. Listen to and/or read the whole episode on Substack (AllOurBraveHearts.substack.com) and you can also listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. And share far and wide, please!

This time apart will not be easy. But it will be good.

Thank you for listening and sharing your comments with us!

Your Friend,

Danny

p.s. from Tara: I’m about 2.5, 3 weeks into my trip. Before I left, Danny and I were chatting about his feelings regarding my departure for this trip, and he admitted: “Part of me is worried that you’ll realize you don’t want to come back.” And while I am thrilled to have this temporary peek back into what my life used to be more like, and I hope to be able to do more of it in the future, it’s also confirmed to me how very much being Danny’s ally, being Danny’s main communication support, means to me in my life. So I reassured him then, and I can reassure him again, that I am definitely coming back, and that we are going to continue to do great things and to just have wonderful time together.

Tara and Danny sit cross-legged, next to each other, on a red picnic blanket on a dried out lawn in front of some evergreen trees. Tara is smiling and holds a letterboard while Danny points to a letter on it. Upper right corner, bold black text: When We Are Apart, episode 7. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and red. Lower left, black text: Episode 7: When We Are Apart. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: T: I will tell you about my trip. I'll be in Southeast Asia for 7 to 8 weeks. Most of my career in conservation has been based in Southeast Asia. I used to spend at least several months of the year there, and have lived there full-time, too. I haven’t been back in 4 years. This is our longest time apart by far since we started spelling together 4 years ago. D: So I am going to miss you so much. I will feel incomplete and so much more vulnerable. But I am truly excited for you and also for me. This will be a great step for me and the rest of my support team. We will learn a lot.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and red. Lower left, black text: Episode 7: When We Are Apart. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: T: I love being the main person coordinating your activities and getting to join in on them. In reality, it's not that sustainable to have it be so much one person. And it's vulnerable to not have other people who can come in as alternates to support you in the many activities you are involved in and that help you lead a fulfilling life. We've been working to have our sister and mom strengthen their fluency with Danny, and gain more experience supporting his different activities. D: They’ve been doing great! We all need to stretch our wings.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and red. Lower left, black text: Episode 7: When We Are Apart. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: D: I love that you can do your own thing! I am genuinely happy for you. I admire your adventures and would not want you to give them up. I know it is in your blood and brings you such joy. This is just a part of our dynamic. You give me so much of you most of the time. You need some things just for you. As do I. But I am more limited in what I can do on my own. T: I remember a past conversation when you told me, "I'm always the one left behind. I never get to go pursue my own dreams." And that really weighed heavily on my heart.
Background: gradient of orange, green, yellow, and red. Lower left, black text: Episode 7: When We Are Apart. Lower right: thick black text says All Our Brave Hearts, in a black outline of a rectangle. Main text, black: D: I am not trying to be a downer. This is just a real issue that I face. It is a good way to practice working on acceptance. This will not change because my disability is inherently one that requires almost constant support. I think my best hope is cultivating a thriving community of interdependence so I am not so intensely dependent on only a few people. T: At least for now, the best action we can take on this is making you feel that even if you can't go do your own thing in the same way, that your life is fulfilling, you have a lot of options for things that bring you joy and to be with people who you love being around, and again not being so dependent on a small number of people.

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